It feels like no one understands what my family is going through!
You get stares and dirty looks when you go to the store and your child is making noises or acting in ways that the other children are not. Other people might make you feel that you are not doing a good job disciplining your child. Try to talk to other parents who have children with special needs so you don't feel isolated. Remember, there are many successful people in the world with Autism.
How to prepare others for interaction with your child
You know your child better than anyone else, so when you leave them alone with someone else, be it a babysitter, teacher or therapist, you need to share information with them about your child's specific needs.
This is a sample behavior sheet that I give to someone who is taking care of my "Johnny" when I am not around.
Behavior Suggestions for Johnny
- Try to be happy and speak softly to him he really responds to voice tone. If you speak softly he will speak softly back, if you yell he will yell. Smile and he will smile. Be mindful of your eyebrows, he gets excited or angry if your eyebrows are too expressive.
- Johnny does not like to be touched, especially with cold hands. If you don’t touch him he will keep his hands to himself better. Although, sometimes he does enjoy hugs and high fives (ask first).
- Your time with him will be easy if you stay calm and happy and use patience.
- Praise him for good work and using sentences. Praise him as often as possible, he needs attention. Positive attention is much easier than negative attention.
- Always remind him of rules before starting an activity. Tell him he needs to make good choices. He works well for rewards. Example “ If you want chocolate milk with lunch, you need to make good choices”.
- Never ask him to make choices just tell him. Example Don’t say “Can you pick this up?” Say “Pick this up please” (if you give him the opportunity, he will say no)
- Transitions will be easier for him if you let him know what is coming next and how much time until the next activity.
- Remind Johnny to keep his hands to himself before a situation arises, such as running games. If you fold your hands he will copy and know it means to keep his hands to himself.
- Remind him to take deep breaths if he feels angry, excited or silly.
- Tell him to throw his angries, exciteds or sillies away if deep breaths are not working. He will grab them from his mouth and put them in a trash can. If a trash can is not near by you can tell him to put them in his pocket.
Talk to Other Parents with Children with Autism
It helps to know that you are not alone, other parents have similar experiences to yours. You can trade stories and techniques. What is the sense of reinventing the wheel? If someone has already discovered a great technique, they will probably want to share it with you. There are support groups online as well as in your community, it would be helpful to join one.
You can give your child's teacher a book to read to the class about Autism. There are books available that help describe different disorders to young children to help them become more understanding and accepting of differences. Here is a list of some good books:
Andy and His Yellow Frisbee
By Mary Thompson
The Autism Acceptance Book: Being a Friend to Someone with
Autism
By Ellen Sabin
I Am Utterly Unique: Celebrating the strengths of children with Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism By Elaine Marie Larson, Vivian Strand
There are a few movies about Autism that are worth watching and worth recommending to those who will interact with your child.
Mozart and the Whale (2005) A love story between two adults with Asperger's syndrome, whose disabilities sabotage their budding relationship.
Autism is a World (2004) A documentary on an autistic woman's inner world, her writing, and the friends she made while in college.
I do not recommend Rainman unless your child is a savant.
Do you need to find more?
Working With Autism Behavior Management Reward Systems